I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
