After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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