does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
