Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
