And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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