oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
