I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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