this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
