So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
