from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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