I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
