We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize