But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it's like heaven, but drunker
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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