I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
