I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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