to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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