Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
