dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
