I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
