my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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