If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
