Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
