didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize