Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
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