i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
