You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
