He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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