He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
