Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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