She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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