Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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