I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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