I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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