Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
