Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
