I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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