Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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