I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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