He uses pillows to masturbate.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
