Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
