drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize