friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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