My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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