I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
