when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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