Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
