Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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