Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize