hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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