All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
