When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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