My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize