I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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