id be glad to
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
