The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize