Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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