So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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