babies were throwing up all over the place
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
