I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
