so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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