I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
