I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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