I'm gonna have a badass scar
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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