Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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