Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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