the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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