I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
