I think I can smell my own vagina right now
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
