when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
