I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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