what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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