I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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