I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am spending my child support on dildos
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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