just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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