im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
