for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
