Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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