Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
