I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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